One Big Glorious Mess
Staying grounded, motivated, and inspired when living in the in-between
Right now, I am living in the space between when one things ends and before something else begins. I feel like I am a plane that’s been diverted, waiting for the air traffic controller to tell me where I am going.
I know (and trust) I soon I will land, but where and when has not yet been determined or revealed.
These liminal spaces can be hard, especially for people like me who love control and live by a plan. But I also know that this period, these thresholds, can be sooooooo ripe for growth and opportunity, if we learn to sit in it, if we learn how to work with it opposed to against it.
I keep saying that this period feels like a test from the Universe. It is asking me to trust myself and my inner knowing, even when the path in front of me is not yet clearly defined.
And I know I am not alone in this feeling. So many people are in periods of shedding— shedding careers, relationships, identities, and wondering what comes next.
In this week’s The Fed Up Lifts, I highlight three things that have helped me stay present, grounded, and inspired this month while I sit in this liminal space. I hope it can help you too.
Suleika Jaouad on NPR’s Wild Card Podcast
Feeling a little consumed by self-doubt while traversing through this liminal space, I decided to ask ChatGPT to help me find expanders— or in other words, people whose stories and paths can be a source of inspiration and motivation, whose stories can help me affirm my own.
Suleika Jaouad was the first on the list. So I decided to dig deeper and was delighted by who I found.
In her twenties, Suleika Jaouad documented living with a cancer diagnosis in the New York Times column and video series, “Life, Interrupted”. She is also the creator of The Isolation Journals with Suleika Jaouad, a newsletter Jaouad created during the pandemic to help people transform life’s interruptions into creative moments and community. And now, she is the author to two books— “Between Two Kingdoms”, a memoir about living a different life than she planned to live, and just recently, she launched, “The Book of Alchemy: A Creative Practice for an Inspired Life”.
So when I went to the gym and when a recent episode of Wild Card featuring Suleika showed up on my discover page, I knew I needed to listen.
In that interview, Jaouad reflects on something she inherited from her mother. She says,
“… She (her mom) gave me charcoal and encouraged me to make as big of a mess as possible.
And she’s someone who really doesn’t believe in mistakes in creative work. She’s someone who always says, like, whenever you think it’s bad, that’s actually where the energy is. Keep moving deeper into that.
So, that’s a lesson that I’ve carried with me from childhood until now. And that sense of freedom to make a big glorious mess in my creative work, to try new things is something that I consciously try to emulate.”
This reflection struck me. What if we thought of our lives as our greatest creative project, and what would happen if we applied this same lesson to our messy parts?
Consider this: Where does your life feel the messiest? Like an art project, where is there opportunity to transform this mess into something beautiful? What fear is this mess asking you to walk through?
You can find more weekly journal prompts in my section, True North: Weekly Reflections.
Getting clear on who I am
Over the last seven months, I committed myself to getting to know who I am again. For a long time, I had felt disconnected from my authenticity— my voice, my intuition, my sense of self.
I was lacking intentionality in my life. My decisions felt automatic and not my own.
Days after deciding to take the fork, I happened upon the program To Be Magnetic, a structured manifestation program rooted in neuroscience (hey, don’t knock it ‘til you try it!). TBM helps people first and foremost reconnect with their inner knowing and authentic selves. My favorite part of the program includes the Deep Imagining visualizations and meditations, accompanied by supportive journaling prompts.
Through doing the deep inner work, getting clear on who I am and what I want has been energizing, affirming, and motivating. Specifically, TBM offers an exercise on discovering your authentic code*, or the values in your life that matter most. Now, whenever I am making a decision, I use these pillars as a filter to ensure the choices I am making are in alignment with my authenticity.
Below I have copied a sample of the journal prompts from the exercise to get you started. For each question, list your top four answers. To get the most out of the exercise, be as honest as you can. If you are interested in accessing the complete activity and program, you can sign up for TBM here:
What do you spend most of your time on? In your natural habitat, when nobody is watching, in your day-to-day life?
Think of your ideal day. What things would be included to bring you the most joy?
What do you spend most of your time thinking about? When you find yourself in a moment of stillness, what subjects come to mind?
You can listen to the TBM podcast, “Expanded” for free here:
*This TBM exercise has been adapted from Dr. Demartini’s Value Determination Exercise.
Being where my feet are
Last week, I was having a conversation with my wife, crying (yes, I cry a lot, okay!) with overwhelm as we navigate figuring out what’s next for us. Feeling that one beloved chapter is coming to an end, and not yet sure what will come of the next.
In my previous job, I played many roles including project manager. I was responsible for managing projects from inception to implementation. Doing is my my most natural state-of-being. I show love through acts of service, and I manage my anxiety by living and dying by my calendar.
But right now, my impulse to do, to plan, to fix is not helpful because, honestly, we don’t have enough information to make certain decisions right now. And spinning in the frenetic energy of the what-ifs and contingency planning is not productive, its anxiety-inducing.
So once again, I am being asked to wait, to be patient in this holding pattern, and to just be, to trust.
My wife in her thoughtful and wise reflection offered that maybe the best thing we can do right now is not be planning for every potential path forward, no need to write yet another pros and cons list, but to instead find joy in this in-between-space by spending time with the people we love, frequenting our favorite D.C. haunts, saying “yes” to invites even when we might miss our 8:30 pm bedtime.
She said we should be where our feet are.
And I think she is right.
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With joy,
Jordan